A Final Goodbye
by SKingList
Summary: Mark's final days are drawing near, and he must say his final goodbyes to those he loves.


First off, I want to warn you that if you're looking for a Doug/Carol post-SSS bliss piece, keep looking. I've tried two of those and haven't gotten very far. What sparked this piece was the shot of the crowd at Mark's funeral at the end of On the Beach. While a good portion of the story is M/D/C, it ends with M/E, so it's not just for D/C fans.

That was a very good episode and I enjoyed it, but there was one thing-or two people, depending on how you look at it-missing from it. Now I truly believe in dedicating all possible screen time to Mark/Elizabeth and those characters still on the show but TPTB blew that using Peter and Cleo so I don't think a camera shot of two additional people would have taken any more time away. So this explains why Doug and Carol were not there on the show.

Of course its possible that GC/JM did not want to do this...But anyway, I digress. I think Doug and Carol should have been there, this is my story, and we don't have to confine it to an hour.

NOTES: I have no idea what Seattle Airport looks like and it doesn't matter enough to look it up so I've used my imagination.

The whole story line with Rachel and Ella's OD never happened.

Timeline for the story: a week after Orion in the Sky ended. The ER site doesn't have the dates and I have no idea when it aired here in the US because I was in Japan.

As always, any thoughts are appreciated and thanks always to my editors.

A Final Goodbye

Doug walked into the house around 6PM after a long day of work looking to unload the day's stress on Carol and have her help him through it, but one look in Carol's eyes told him that it might be her who needed him tonight. 'What's the matter, babe?' he asked after they kissed.

'Later,' she said softly. 'After they go to bed,' she added, turning her attention back to Tess and Kate who were busy painting the table with their mashed potatoes. 'Girls!' she said sternly. 'What did I tell you?'

'Sorry, mommy,' Kate said with her patented out of trouble look that she'd most certainly gotten from Doug. However at that moment, Tess took a glob of peas and pushed them into her hair.

Doug saw Carol clench the towel and before she could explode, he intervened. Standing between Carol and the girls, he wrapped his arms around her, effectively blocking her view of whatever mess they might have been causing. 'Go lay down,' he said gently. 'I'll get the girls to bed.'

'You don't mind?'

'No. You've had them all day. Go take a break.'

'Thanks,' Carol said, hanging the dishtowel next to the sink. Walking to the girls, she gave each of them a goodnight kiss before heading to the stairs.

'Mama, where go?' Kate said.

'Mommy's going to sleep,' Doug said. 'And you two are having a bath as soon as you finish eating.'

'No bath, no bath,' Tess said.

'Yes, Tess' Doug said. 'Because you, my dear, have peas ALL over you,' he added with a laugh.

A little more than an hour later, when the girls were bathed and settled into bed, Doug quietly opened the door to his and Carol's bedroom. Carol was sitting on the window seat, next to the window that provided an unbroken view of the lake and beyond. She didn't move at all when Doug entered the room and when he walked over and asked softly, 'Room for two?' she jumped. 'Sorry, didn't mean to scare you,' he said, noticing the faint lines of dried tears on her cheeks.

'It's OK,' she said, sliding forward so Doug could sit behind her. She leaned against his chest but didn't say anything. Doug knew better than to push her to talk when she didn't want to so he just smoothed her hair back from her face.

After a few minutes of sitting like that, Carol felt and heard Doug's stomach rumble. 'I forgot you hadn't eaten,' Carol apologized. 'Let's go downstairs and I'll fix us something.'

'It's OK, I can wait,' Doug said, wrapping his arms around her waist.

'I'm hungry too. I can cook and talk at the same time-the girls were just a bit much this afternoon.'

'I could tell,' Doug said with a laugh. After a moment's pause he continued. 'Actually, what I'm in the mood for is a pizza. How does that sound to you?'

'That sounds very good,' Carol said reaching for the phone on the night table. 'Pepperoni?'

'Or sausage, doesn't matter to me.'

'Half and half then,' Carol said with a slight smile.

After ordering the pizza, Doug and Carol headed downstairs to wait for the deliveryman. A few minutes of silence ensued before Carol said, 'Mark called this afternoon.'

Although Doug didn't quite understand how Mark calling tied into Carol's mood, he could sense they were connected somehow. 'And?' he prompted.

Carol took a deep breath and said, 'The tumour is back.'

Doug didn't know what he'd been expecting, but it certainly wasn't that. He knew from Carol's actions that the news wasn't good but he had to ask. 'Prognosis?'

'Lousy. They can't operate because its encroaching on the motor cortex and it will impair his motor abilities.'

'What about gamma knife?'

'They tried that.' After a brief pause, she added, 'It didn't work.'

'Did he mention if he'd seen...? I forget his name, the doctor in New York who treated him last year.'

'Burke. Yes, he went to see him a few weeks ago.'

Neither wanted to say it, but both knew that their close friend was out of options. Doug felt especially guilty because they were supposed to have flown to Chicago in February, but the girls were ill and they'd cancelled. He couldn't help but wonder if he'd missed his last chance to see his friend.

'He wants you to call him,' Carol continued. 'He wants to see us.'

'Of course,' Doug said, glancing at the clock, glad to have a second chance.

'He said the time didn't matter.'

'OK,' Doug said, reaching for the phone.

Doug dialed Mark and Elizabeth's number from memory and after two rings, someone picked up 'Hello?'

'Hi Rachel, it's Doug. How are you?'

'I'm OK. How are you?'

'Not bad. How's school going?'

'I can't wait for the year to be over.'

'Big plans for the summer?'

'Yeah...Not being in the classroom,' Rachel said with a laugh. 'Do you want to talk to Dad or Elizabeth?'

'If your Dad is awake, I'll speak with him, or else Elizabeth,' Doug said. 'Take care and enjoy the rest of the school year. It will be over before you know it.'

A few seconds passed before Doug heard Elizabeth say 'Hello'

'Hi Elizabeth, it's Doug. How are you?'

'I've been better,' Elizabeth admitted. 'I'm just getting Mark's pills to bring up to him and then I'll bring him the phone.'

'Take your time. How's Mark doing?'

'He's OK,' Elizabeth said pausing. 'He has his good days and his bad days, but I guess that's to be expected.'

'Is there anything we can do?' Doug asked gently.

'Just knowing that both of you are here for him is great. It means a lot to him.'

'Here for both of you,' Doug reminded Elizabeth gently. 'I want you to let us know if you need anything. Even if you just need someone to stay with him while you run errands. I can get on a plane and be there in three hours or so. I mean it. Carol and I both have unused vacation time.'

'I know, and thank you. I really appreciate it.' After a moment's pause she said, 'He's fallen asleep. Let me just take a moment to wake him.'

'You don't have to. He needs rest.'

'No, I know he wanted to talk to you.'

Doug could hear some noise in the background and then he heard Mark groggily say, 'Hey'

'Hey, buddy. How you doin'?'

'I'm ready to run the NY Marathon, you going to join me?' Mark cracked with a laugh.

'Sure, anytime'

'But before we do that, I want to see some of these huge fish you've been bragging about. How does that sound?'

'It sounds like a plan. When?'

'Do you and Carol have to work Monday and Tuesday?'

'We'll take off. Have you booked a flight?'

'I have a tentative reservation that would get me into Seattle on Sunday night around 7 PM. I know that's around when you'd need to get the girls to bed but it's all they had.'

'Don't worry about that.' Sensing that Mark was tired, Doug added, 'Let me just get your flight details and then I'll let you go.'

They chatted for just a moment or two more before hanging up. Doug walked into the living room where Carol had gone after the pizza had arrived. Carol asked, 'How'd it go?'

'OK. He's flying in Sunday night.'

'Oh that's great. How long is he going to stay?'

'Until Tuesday afternoon.'

Doug took a slice of pizza and sat next to Carol on the sofa. They ate in silence for a few moments before Carol said, 'It's going to be difficult, isn't it?'

Doug didn't answer straight away but after a few moments he said 'Yes, but it's still Mark.'

'Yeah,' Carol said. 'But that's what's going to be hard; seeing Mark like this.'

Due to the post September 11th restrictions, Doug could not meet Mark at the gate but he was standing at baggage claim when Mark came down the escalator. Doug could not believe how thin Mark had gotten and how much he had aged since they'd seen each other the previous autumn. He knew that the tumour was approaching the motor cortex, but hadn't expected to see Mark leaning on a cane.

Doug met Mark at the bottom of the escalator 'How was the flight?'

'Not bad, just a few bumps somewhere over Colorado.'

'Do you have any bags?'

'Just this,' Mark said, indicating his carry on that he was wheeling and his knapsack. 'I figured the easiest way for them not to lose the luggage was for them not to get it in the first place.'

'Good idea,' Doug said with a laugh. 'Why don't you wait here while I pull the car up?'

'I can still walk,' Mark said, more sharply than he'd intended. 'Sorry,' he said immediately. 'I didn't mean to snap at you. I'm just tired of people thinking I'm helpless.'

'It's OK. I didn't mean for you to feel like that, I just wanted to make it easier for you.'

'I know'

As they got into the car Doug said, 'Let me just call Carol. I told her I'd let her know when we were on our way.'

About 30 minutes later, they pulled into Doug and Carol's driveway. Instead of offering to help Mark this time, Doug just took one of his bags and they walked to the house.

As they approached the front door, Carol came out to greet them, wrapping her arms around Mark. 'It's great to see you. How was your flight?'

'Not bad at all.'

'That's good. Elizabeth called, she wants you to call her.'

'OK, Mark said, as Doug handed him the portable phone.

After he finished his call, Mark walked into the kitchen where Doug and Carol were sitting at the table. 'All OK at home?' Doug asked.

'All fine,' Mark assured him as he sat down. 'She just wanted to know that I arrived safely and Rachel had a couple of questions for me.'

'How's Rachel doing?' Carol asked.

'She's OK. She had some trouble earlier this year but she's now more settled in Chicago and has made some good friends so things are getting smoother.'

'That's good. What will she...?' Carol started to ask before deciding that might not be such a good question. 'Never mind,' she said, instead.

'It's OK, you can ask' Mark said.

'I was just curious as to what she planned to do...after...? Carol found herself unable to say the word that came to mind. 'Will she stay in Chicago?' she asked, instead.

'We've talked about it, but nothing is certain. She isn't even sure what she wants to do yet, but since it's near the end of the school year she doesn't really need to make any decisions yet.'

'At least that's a little easier.'

'Yeah, she's done well in school this year so she should have no trouble, no matter where she decides to go.'

'Do you think Jen would let her stay in Chicago?'

'She has said she would if that's what Rachel wants. She can't deny that she's done well this year and doesn't really want to jeopardize it.'

'I'm glad she's looking at it that way.'

'I am as well. And Elizabeth has told Rachel that she is more than welcome to stay with her as well.'

After talking for a few more moments, Carol said, 'Doug and I haven't had dinner yet. Are you hungry?'

'I'm not starving but I could eat something. One thing I want to mention is that I'd like to take you out for a meal.'

'You don't have to do that,' Doug said.

'I know I don't have to. I want to,' Mark said with a smile.

'Well it works well,' Carol said. 'We did arrange for a sitter for the girls tomorrow night. In case we wanted to go out or just sit and talk in peace.'

'How have the girls been lately?'

'Good, but definitely acting their age,' Doug said.

'And being troublemakers like their dad,' Carol said with a laugh.

'I'm not a troublemaker,' Doug said, walking toward the fridge.

'Can I help you with dinner?'

'No thanks,' Doug said, 'I'm just reheating some soup. You must be tired from the flight, just rest.'

'I can't rest too much, I'll fall asleep.'

'If you're tired, go lie down. We can talk in the morning.'

'I'm OK,' Mark assured them. 'We don't have a lot of time and...and I want to spend as much time with the two of you as I can.'

'OK,' Doug said.

Since Carol normally would have been working on a Monday, she brought the girls to day care at 8 AM as usual. Carol arranged that the sitter would pick them up straight from day care.

When Carol came back from dropping off the girls, she was surprised to see Mark already awake. 'Did you sleep well?' she asked as she sat next to him on the couch.

'Very.'

'I was trying to keep the girls quiet this morning, but I don't think I was very successful.'

'It's OK, I was already awake. I was attempting to make the bed. I failed miserably,' he added sheepishly.

'Don't worry about that at all,' Carol said. 'Seriously.' After a few seconds, she added, 'If I can get lazybones up, did you want to go for breakfast somewhere and then maybe go for a drive to see the area?'

'Sure.'

'Did you want coffee or anything in the mean time?'

'No, thanks. I had some water,' Mark said.

'OK, let me go get him up.'

Carol returned a few minutes later and said, 'He'll be ready in 15 minutes. Is there anything in particular you'd like to see today?'

'I came to see you guys, there is nothing in particular I want to see in Seattle. So whatever you guys recommend is fine. Rachel just wanted me to find her a souvenir, but I'm sure I can get that at the airport.'

'I actually know of a great store where you'll find something.'

'Great.'

'And Doug was wondering if you wanted to see the hospital.'

'Ordinarily, I would have, but I think that would be a little too much walking for me. I hope you're not too disappointed.'

'Of course not,' Carol said. 'I don't want you to feel as if you have to push yourself to do anything more than you're comfortable with. If there's something you can't do, or need help with, just let us know.'

'Thank you,' Mark said. 'I'm glad we were able to arrange these few days. I hope I didn't disrupt any plans you two already had.'

'Oh yeah, highly exciting and irreplaceable plans of chasing toddlers,' Carol said with a laugh. 'I'm really glad you came. I,' Carol started, her voice wavering. 'I'm going to miss you,' she finished, turning to give Mark a hug.

'I'm going to miss you too' he said, clumsily returning the hug.

When they pulled apart, Mark could see the tears running down Carol's cheeks. 'I'm sorry,' she said, brushing them away. 'I promised myself that I wasn't going to cry.'

'Don't apologise,' Mark said. 'I know this isn't easy.' After a slight pause, he continued, 'I didn't mean to make it hard for you two, but I wanted to see you both.'

'I wouldn't trade this for anything. While this is hard, I think not getting the chance to see you would have been harder. Like I said, I'm very glad you were able to make the trip.'

'I'm glad I could too,' Mark said. 'And as routine as those moments with Tess and Kate may be, savour them.'

'I will,' Carol promised.

They'd spent an hour or so walking around a small shopping plaza in Seattle until Mark grew visibly tired. 'I'm OK,' he'd answered, when Doug first asked if he was ready to head back.

In addition to the promised souvenir for Rachel, Mark had found a beautiful necklace for Elizabeth. It was a simple gold chain that could be worn with many of her tops. Although Mark didn't realise it, this was the chain on which Elizabeth would later wear Mark's wedding ring.

Realising that Mark wouldn't ask to leave, Carol said, 'I'd like to have time to call the girls at the sitter before we go to dinner. Would either of you mind if we headed back soon?'

'Nope,' Doug said. 'My shopping is done.'

'Mine is as well,' Mark said. 'Can we sit for a minute before we walk to the car?'

'I can get the car,' Carol offered.

'If you wouldn't mind,' Mark said.

'I'll meet you two by the door,' Carol said, pointing to the one just 50 feet from where they were sitting.

'OK,' Doug said.

'I really appreciate it,' Mark added. As determined as he was to be independent, those 50 feet seemed more like 50 miles. Turning to Doug he added, 'I may need help getting to the door.'

'Of course,' Doug said, glad that Mark felt comfortable enough to ask. 'If you don't feel up to going out for dinner, we can eat at home.'

'No. I'll be OK once we rest for a bit at home. I want to go out to eat.'

'Is there any place in particular that you want to go?'

'Anything is fine with me,' Mark said. 'But I don't quite think I have the right clothes for the Four Seasons.'

'And that's what I was most looking forward to,' Doug said. 'But I suppose we could compromise.'

'I knew you'd see it my way.'

'I have a way of convincing people. After all, I did convince Carol to marry me after all these years, didn't I?'

'Yes, yes you did. And you two are as happy as I've ever seen you. I'm so happy for you, for both of you.'

'I've never been happier, Carol and I were talking about this the other day and we realised that although we went the long way it may have been better in the end because by the time we were older we both knew what we wanted, and we still wanted each other.'

'I could tell. All during Carol's last few months at County it was obvious. She was missing you and I knew from your messages that you missed her. I was and I wasn't surprised when she decided to leave. I knew it was going to happen, but I didn't expect for it to happen so quickly.'

'Neither did I,' Doug admitted. 'But I'm sure you know the story of that afternoon.'

'I think I've heard it a few times,' he said with a smile. 'I'm glad it worked out. We all knew you two were right for each other, it just took a little longer for you to realise it.'

'Or to learn my lesson,' Doug acknowledged.

A little more than an hour later, they were back at the house getting ready to go for dinner. Doug was sitting in the kitchen, having already changed. Mark slowly made his way into the room, his cane in one hand and a bag in the other.

As he sat down, he reached into the bag and said to Doug, 'Eyes closed.'

'But it's not my birthday,' Doug joked.

'It's close enough, late birthday or early Christmas, take your pick,' Mark said, placing something on the table. 'Open up.'

Doug opened his eyes to see a Nerf basketball set, complete with a ball and a small hoop that could be mounted with suction cups. 'Thank you,' he said.

'You're welcome. I wanted to play one more time and this was easier to fit in my suitcase than a full back board and pole.'

'Will it attach to wall or just windows?' Doug asked.

'It usually works better on windows. Maybe the one in the Den?'

'Or the one right here,' Doug said, turning to the one next to the table. He opened the package and mounted it on the glass where it stuck easily.

'I would have suggested that, but I wasn't sure how Carol would feel about us playing basketball in her kitchen.'

'She won't mind, too much,' Doug said with a laugh. 'Here, you go first,' he added. 'You're my guest.'

'What are we playing to?'

'Until Carol is ready, which could be five or a hundred,'

'Sounds like a plan,' Mark said, attempting an awkward shot that missed by quite a bit. Doug grabbed the 'rebound' and thought about passing it back to Mark but then decided he might not like that. Keeping that in mind, he made his own shot, which went in. After missing a few more shots, Mark scooted his chair closer to the window and dropped the ball into the net. 'Whee, one point,' he said with a smile. 'And it's not cheating, it's a sitting slam dunk.'

'Fair enough,' Doug said.

A few moments later, Carol walked in and smiled at the site of Mark and Doug playing basketball once again. 'Who's winning?'

'I am,' Doug said.

'But of course this is just practice. I'm letting him win, just to get his confidence up,' Mark said. 'Next game is war!'

'That sounds fair,' Carol said, sitting at the far side of the table so as not to disturb the game.

After Mark missed his next shot he said, 'OK, playing to 15 is enough for me at the moment.'

'Quitter,' Doug teased.

'Yes,' Mark admitted, moving his chair back closer to the table. Again reaching into his bag, he said to Carol, 'Close your eyes. I have something for you as well.'

'You didn't have to,' she said, closing her eyes.

'I know,' Mark said, pulling what looked like a photo journal from the bag. He placed it on the table in front of Carol and said, 'Open.' He could tell that she didn't realise what it was at first, and started to explain. 'It's some pictures, and a little bit about my Mom in case Kate ever wants to know about who she's named for.'

'Thank you,' Carol said, leafing through the book. 'That is very special. We will treasure it.'

'You're welcome. I didn't have a lot of time to shop, but I chose these two for their meaning rather than their value.'

'It doesn't matter,' Doug said. 'These gifts are worth more than anything. Thank you,' he said.

'Again, you're welcome.'

About an hour later, they were seated in one of Doug and Carol's favourite restaurants. It was a small Italian restaurant where they knew they would be able to sit and talk, without feeling rushed to eat more quickly. They had ordered their drinks and decided on their meals, now they were just waiting for their waiter to return to place their dinner order.

When he returned, he asked, 'Do you need a few more minutes?'

'No, we're ready,' Doug said. 'I'll have chicken marsala,' he added.

Carol continued, 'I'll have linguine with white clam sauce.'

'OK,' the waiter said, writing. 'And for you, sir?'

'P-p-penne, vuh-vodka,' Mark said, frustrated as he stumbled over words he used to be able to say with ease. He knew that the tumour was going to affect his speech, but he still felt uncomfortable when it happened, especially in public. Luckily, it didn't happen as much as it could, and when it did, Doug and Carol were careful not to draw attention to it. His motor skills were affected to a far greater degree, and that they would not need to be cut was one reason Mark had opted for Penne.

'OK, I'll put it right in,' the waiter said, tucking his pen in his pocket. 'Is there anything else you need?'

'Some bread?' Doug questioned

'Oh, of course. I'm sorry about that. I'll be right back with it.'

After the waiter brought the bed, the three of them knew they'd have some uninterrupted time to talk. They knew they needed it, but at the same time, they knew it wasn't going to be an easy conversation.

Preferring to get the hardest parts over with first, Mark asked 'Can I ask you guys a favour?'

'Of course,' Doug said.

'Anything,' Carol added.

'I know Elizabeth is talking about going back to England this summer, but I think that's probably going to be temporary. When she comes back, will you guys keep an eye on her for me?'

'Of course,' Carol said. 'We'll go there, we're about due for a trip back to Chicago anyhow. And we'll let her know she has a standing invitation to visit us here any time that she wants.'

'And even if she stays in England for an extended time, we could visit her,' Doug added. 'We both can take time off work and either take the girls with us or they can have some time with Grandma.'

'Thank you, very much. While Elizabeth and I have worked out a lot of things, that's one thing I still worry about. I worry about her being alone,' Mark admitted. After pausing a minute or two, he added, 'I mean I know she was alone before we were together, and I know she can take care of herself but,' he trailed off, not really knowing how to finish.

Neither Doug nor Carol really knew what to say in response to that so there was a few seconds pause before Doug said, 'We'll do all we can to make sure she's looked after. And I'm sure everyone at County will make sure of that as well.'

'I think so. Everyone has been so good about running errands, driving Rachel, picking up she and Ella. I just feel badly because I know that I can't return the favour.'

'They know you would do the same if the situations were reversed,' Carol reassured him. 'And think of all you have done for everyone over the years. I'm sure that no one minds helping you out.'

'I know, but you know how I hate having to rely on others. I haven't even said goodbye to most,'

'Really?' Doug asked, curious.

'It would be too hard. People know now that my last day was just that, but I didn't make it obvious when I left. I think only Carter and Kerry knew for sure. I'm not even sure who knew how sick I was,' Mark admitted.

'Sometimes it's easier to keep it quiet. It came on suddenly, didn't it?' Doug asked.

'Pretty much. I noticed the symptoms and then went to see Dr. Burke in NY. He did gamma knife, and I did a few rounds of radiation and chemo, but managed to keep it fairly quiet.' After pausing for a few seconds, Mark commented. 'I suppose they'll find out when they hear about the funeral.' Carol reached her hand across the table and Mark immediately apologised, 'I'm sorry, I just get down sometimes.'

'It's OK,' she said. 'I know there's no way we could even begin to understand what this is like, but I want you to know we're here for you. Not just today and tomorrow, but all the way. Here for you and for Elizabeth.'

'I know,' Mark said. 'That reminds me of one thing I want to talk to you two about. I wanted to let you know that I don't expect you to be able to fly in for the funeral. I know it's hard to travel with little ones, and especially on such short notice. Elizabeth and I talked about this before I flew out, and she wanted you to know that this is her thinking as well.'

'We'll be there,' Doug said.

'My mother can take the girls,' Carol added. 'She loves the chance to take care of them. We wouldn't not go.'

'Thank you, that means a lot.'

The next morning, Mark made his way out to the kitchen. He could smell coffee brewing, and breakfast cooking. 'Good morning,' Carol said as he walked in. 'Did you sleep well?'

'Very.'

'The girls didn't wake you, did they?'

'No, I never even heard them. But I would love to see them.'

'I thought you might, and I know they want to see you. They're in the den with Doug. I'm making coffee for Doug and I, do you want any?'

'Yes, please.'

'I'll bring it in with Doug's in a minute or two. Do you want anything with it? I'm making French toast but that won't be ready for about fifteen minutes or so.'

'I'm fine,' Mark said, slowly making his way into the Den. Carol couldn't help but notice that his left side was noticeably weaker, he was leaning more heavily on the cane, and left his arm hung limply at his side. Sadly, she shook her head. Although she'd known from the beginning that this would be their last visit with Mark, the cold hard fact that he was dying hadn't hit her, and now it brought tears to her eyes. She quickly turned to face the cabinets so if Mark turned, he wouldn't see the tears.

Doug was sitting on the floor, working on puzzles with the girls. However when he walked in, they all looked up. 'Hi,' Mark said softly. He wanted more than anything to crouch down to the girls' level, but knew he couldn't. He settled for sitting on the recliner's footrest, facing Doug and the girls.

'Morning,' Doug said. 'This is Kate,' he added, indicating the twin in yellow, 'And this is Tess. Can you two say hi to Uncle Mark?'

Tess smiled shyly, but Kate walked over to hug Mark 'Hi!' she said. Looking over him curiously she asked, 'Why do you have a walk stick?'

'Kate,' Doug admonished. 'I'm sorry,' he added to Mark.

'It's OK,' Mark said. 'I hurt my leg so this helps me to walk.'

'Oh!'

'Can you play with us?' Tess finally chimed in.

'Sure,' Mark said. 'What are we playing?'

'Puzzles!' Kate said, as if it should be obvious.

Although Mark could not easily do puzzles, he was able to 'direct' the girls by handing them pieces and suggesting where they should go. It was a little bittersweet for him, enjoying the moments with Tess and Kate but knowing he'd never get to see Ella at this age. He'd missed seeing Rachel grow up after his and Jen's divorce, and now he wouldn't see Ella either. At the thought of this, a few tears sprung to his eyes.

Doug asked quietly, 'You OK?'

Mark nodded, unable to find his voice at first. 'Too much thinking,' he said after a few moments pause.

Doug shook his head, unable to find the right words to say and after a minute or two, Mark said, 'I'm OK.'

'If it's too hard for you to stay in here with the girls, you don't have to.'

'I want to,' Mark said, carefully lifting his coffee mug to his lips.

The rest of the day seemed to fly by, and before they knew it, it was almost time to leave for the airport. Doug was going to stay at the house with the girls while Carol drove Mark to the airport. Because Carol would be unable to accompany him to the plane, they'd called ahead and requested someone to meet them with a wheel chair.

Mark walked into the den after doing one last check to make sure he hadn't left anything behind. The girls were tiring as it was close to naptime, so they were lying on the floor with Doug. 'Hey,' Mark said, softly.

Doug and the girls turned around, and Tess said, 'You go bye?'

'Yes, I have to go home to my family,' Mark explained.

'You come back?' Kate asked.

He knew the girls wouldn't understand, but could he lie to them? He knew he couldn't, not anymore than he could lie to Ella. He thought about looking up to Doug and Carol but could already sense the tears in their eyes; looking up wouldn't help any of them. He was on his own for the question. Swallowing hard, he said, 'When you girls think of me, when you play with the toys I gave you. That's when I'll be here with you. Right in here,' he said, pointing to his heart and then to each of their hearts.

'OK,' Tess said, solemnly.

'Go give Uncle Mark a kiss,' Doug said and both Tess and Kate scrambled to their feet.

'Tank ou for the doll,' Kate said, wrapping her chubby arms around Mark's lower legs.

'You're welcome' Mark said, leaning over and kissing the top of her head.

'And tank oo for the bear,' Tess added, wrapping herself around Mark's other leg.

'You're welcome,' Mark said, kissing her as well. 'I love you both. I'll miss you. Be good for Mommy and Daddy.'

'We will,' Tess said, giggling.

As Doug got to his feet, he gently pulled both girls' arms off Mark. 'I put on Barney for you,' he said softly. 'Go lie down and I'll be right back.'

Barney had an amazing ability to get the girls to do what they were supposed to, and they quickly turned their attention back to the TV.

Still looking down, Doug put his hand on Mark's shoulder.

Mark just nodded, unable to find his voice for a few moments. He'd thought about saying goodbyes but because of how he'd left County, he hadn't really said good-bye to anyone yet. This was going to be one of the hardest. Most likely, it would only be harder to say goodbye to Elizabeth, Ella and Rachel, and he still had no idea how he was going to say goodbye to them.

Although Doug and Carol had moved away a few years ago, they'd always remained close. Doug was like a brother to him, and Carol a sister. The idea that he'd never see them again had never crossed his conscious mind, although he had accepted that he was dying.

Doug and Carol had stayed up the previous night, thinking about this moment, but now that it was here, Doug found himself in shock. He and Mark had worked together for nearly ten years at County and the past three years apart hadn't broken their bond at all. Having not been close to his family, Mark had become the brother he didn't have-even accompanying him to sort out the details of his father's death four years ago. Doug knew he hadn't always been an easy person to deal with, but Mark had never given up on him.

'Thank you for having me this weekend,' Mark finally said, softly. 'It meant a lot to spend these few days together.'

'I'm very glad you came,' Doug said. After a few seconds pause he added, 'I'm going to miss you.'

Mark nodded, 'Me too.'

Doug knew that Mark could not easily hug him, so he put his arms around Mark. In response, with Doug supporting him, Mark eased up on his cane and clumsily put his right arm around Doug. 'I'll make sure Elizabeth, Ella and Rachel are taken care of,' Doug whispered.

'I know, thank you,' Mark said. 'I,' he started. 'I can't say goodbye.'

'I can't either,' Doug admitted. 'I'll just say thank you for the good times we had.'

'And for the memories,' Mark added.

When they pulled apart a moment or two later, their eyes were visibly red. 'Come on, I'll walk you two out,' Doug said.

'I think Carol may already be out there.'

When they got to the front porch, Carol was standing there. 'I already put your bags in the car.'

'Thank you' Mark said.

As they got settled in the car, Doug leaned in the window. At Carol's, he said, 'Drive safely, call me when you're on your way home.'

'I will,' she said, and they kissed.

Walking around to the passenger window he said, 'Take care. Call when you get home.'

'OK,' Mark said. 'You be good,' he added. 'I don't have time to fly out here again to bail you out of trouble with your new Chief of Staff.'

'I'll try,' Doug said with a smile.

As they pulled out, they waved. Doug found himself watching until they went around a bend and the car was out of sight. Slowly, quietly, he walked back into the house. He knew, but did not want to admit that this was the last time he'd see his dear friend alive.

After spending the first few minutes of the drive in silence, Mark said to Carol, 'Thank you for driving me.'

'It's no problem. I wanted to see you off. I wish we didn't have all the restrictions though, I won't be able to go with you to the gate.'

'I know,' Mark said. 'If it's easier, you can just drop me off.'

'Nonsense. I'll drop you off, park, and then I'll go with you as far as they'll let me.'

'I'd like that, thank you. And thank you for having me this weekend, I'm glad the three of us got to have the time together.'

'Me too, it was very special. I'm glad you could come, and I know the girls enjoyed it as well.'

'They're great. So outgoing and talkative. I think a part of that comes from having one other to play with.'

'Probably. And neither Doug nor I is exactly the quiet type,' Carol added with a laugh.

'I'm sure that adds something,' Mark said, smiling. He couldn't believe they were already on the access roads to the airport. It seemed like the drive had taken only two minutes. He was glad to be going home to Elizabeth and Ella, but at the same time didn't want to leave Doug and Carol.

Carol dropped him at the terminal entrance and said, 'Why don't you wait in the chairs just inside the gate? I'll meet you there.'

'OK,' Mark said, slowly shuffling out of the car.

A Skycap came over and asked, 'Do you have any bags that you need to check?'

'No, it's all carry on.'

'You can check in here with me then. I'll get you the boarding pass and you can go straight to the security check. May I see some ID and your ticket?'

Mark took his license from his pocket, having already removed it from his wallet and said 'It's an e-ticket. All I have is this print out.'

'That's fine,' he said, taking both.

By the time Mark had finished and made his way inside, Carol was coming up the stairs from the parking lot. 'Are you all checked in?'

'Yes, I just need to go to Security. There should hopefully be someone with a wheel chair waiting for me on the other side of the checkpoint. In the interim, you may need to help me a little.'

'That's fine,' Carol said, taking Mark's arm. 'At least this is a small airport. How did you manage at O'Hare?'

'It was a challenge,' Mark admitted. 'When I spoke with the airlines on the phone they said it would depend on manpower availability at the airport when I arrived. When we got there, it seemed as if it was going to be an impossibility but we asked at the ticket counter and she said she would send someone to meet us. He got me to the gate but then couldn't help me board.'

'Did they allow you to carry your cane on board?'

'They let me use it to board but then I had to give it to a flight attendant to check and I got it back when we landed. I can understand the logic behind it, I guess, but it still seems a little much.'

'I agree,' Carol said.

As they inched closer to the security checkpoint, Mark swallowed a lump in his throat and said, 'I'm glad I was able to spend this weekend with you two and the girls. I really enjoyed it.'

'I did too,' Carol said. 'More than you could know. I'll treasure the memories of this weekend and all of our time together.'

'Me too. Take care of yourself, and Doug' Mark added with a slight smile. 'I'll miss both of you very much.'

Carol nodded, unable to find her voice and put her arms around Mark. When they pulled apart she noticed a man standing to the side with a wheel chair. 'I think your chariot awaits you.'

'I'll call when I get back to let you know I arrived safely' Mark said as he sat in the chair. The Guard would use the wand instead of having him go through the metal detector.

'Please,' Carol said. Leaning over, she kissed Mark's cheek. 'Have a safe flight.'

'Drive safely,' Mark added.

Carol watched until the escort pushed Mark out of site. She hadn't realised it, but she was biting her lip. She quickly turned and made her way back to the parking lot, tears threatening to spill over.

Four days later

Elizabeth was changing Ella when she heard footsteps running up the stairs. 'Elizabeth, Elizabeth?!' Rachel called.

'I'm here, what's the matter?' Elizabeth asked, walking quickly towards the stairs and the sound of Rachel's voice.

'It's Dad!' Rachel said, panicking. 'He's, he, he's having a seizure or something.'

'Stay with Ella,' Elizabeth said, quickly running down the stairs. 'Mark, Mark. Can you hear me?'

There was no response, but he was breathing. Looking through the bedside table that doubled as a medicine chest, Elizabeth saw they had no Ativan. 'Shit,' she said, under her breath, knowing this would mean a trip to the ER.

When it became obvious that Mark was terminal, they had talked about what to do if this situation ever arose. After some discussion, he had signed a DNR and they had come to the agreement that if he wasn't breathing, they wouldn't transport. He preferred to die at home, in bed. But if he was breathing, or Rachel was the only one home, they would go to the hospital.

As Elizabeth waited for the ambulance, she covered the mouthpiece on the phone, and called down to Rachel, 'Please come down here with Ella?'

'Coming,'

'And bring my purse, please?'

As Mark's motor abilities had worsened, they had changed then den to a temporary bedroom to make it easier for Mark to get around.

Rachel stopped just outside the door, facing the room and holding Ella so that she wouldn't see Mark like that. Elizabeth said, 'I'm going to ride with your father in the Rig.' Taking some money from her purse, she handed it to Rachel, 'Please call a cab and come to the hospital with Ella?'

'Sure.' Fearfully looking at Mark, she asked, 'Is he...OK?

'He's breathing and he has a good pulse, but he needs meds that I don't have here.' Frustrated with the wait Elizabeth uncovered the mouthpiece and asked, 'Damnit, where's the ambulance?'

'On its way, ma'am.'

'Do you want me to go up to day care with Ella or?'

'No, go in the ER Lounge. No one will say anything if you're there. Just bring some books or something. I don't know how long we'll be there.'

'OK.'

'I want you two to be close, in case,' Elizabeth said, unable to finish the sentence.

They heard the sirens, so Elizabeth hung up the phone and Rachel said, 'I'll go let them in.'

'Thank you,' Elizabeth said, putting on her sneakers.

When they called in to the hospital from the rig, Elizabeth asked, 'Let me speak with them, I'm a surgeon on staff at County.'

'OK,' the paramedic said, turning back to helping Mark.

'This is County,' Elizabeth heard through the radio's crackles.

'Haleh?' she asked, unsure of who it was.

'Yes, it's me. Dr. Corday, is that you?'

'Yes. I'm coming in with Mark. He had a seizure, but he's breathing and has a steady heartbeat. The seizure wasn't stopping and we don't have Ativan at home.'

'OK, I'll have it ready. Anything else?'

'Not that I can think of, thanks. We're about 5 minutes out.'

'OK'

Turning her attention back to Mark, she was pleased to see that the seizure had stopped. But he wasn't awake, which worried her. Knowing the paramedics could do anything she could, and that there wasn't room for three people to work on him in the rig, she sat at his side and held his hand.

It hadn't been an easy few months since the tumour had come back, but some times were better than others. Just yesterday, they'd driven to the park and sat at the lake's edge, just watching the ducks, and now he was lying there, on a stretcher, unconscious. 'This just isn't fair,' she thought to herself. She'd tried to avoid getting too negative throughout his illness because she didn't want Mark to see it, but sometimes it couldn't be avoided. As they got closer to County, she wiped her eyes, and tried to focus again.

When the rig pulled up, Elizabeth wasn't entirely surprised to see Susan there to meet them. 'Status?' she asked.

'He's stopped seizing and he's breathing, but he's not awake,' Elizabeth said, climbing down after the stretcher.

'I've got Trauma One ready with Ativan available. How long was he seizing?'

Elizabeth glanced at her watch, 'Actively, probably not longer than five minutes. He never stopped breathing.'

'That's a good sign.'

As they moved him from the gurney, Susan asked, 'Mark, Mark, it's Susan, can you hear me?' as she checked his pupils' reflex. As hard as it was, Elizabeth tried to stand back. She glanced over at the door and already saw a small crowd. Instinctively, she wanted to block their view of Mark, he wouldn't want them to see him like this. However, she also wanted to keep an eye out for Rachel.

'Elizabeth, he's waking up,' Susan said.

Following that, Elizabeth could hear, 'Lisbef, Lisbef,'

'I'm here, Mark. I'm right here.' Haleh moved over one step so Elizabeth could approach the table.

'Where? Where am?'

'I'm right here.' Elizabeth said, leaning over Mark, and lightly squeezing his hand.

'I, I can't..Where?'

'Mark, can you see?' Susan asked.

'No, no. I can't...Nothing.'

'Shit,' Elizabeth muttered under her breath. Tears welled in her eyes and she was glad that Mark could not see them. 'I'm right here,' she said softly. 'Can you feel me holding your hand?'

'Yes. Where? Loud.'

'We're at County, in the ER. You had a seizure,' Elizabeth explained. 'Susan is in here, and Haleh, and...' Elizabeth said, quickly surveying the room.

'Hi Mark,' Susan said.

'Hello Dr. Greene,' Haleh added.

'Why see?'

'I don't know. They'll run some tests,' Elizabeth said, kissing Mark. She moved back a few steps to get out of the way, but stayed close enough to hold his hand. 'I'm here,' she said softly. 'I'm here.'

Two hours later, Elizabeth, Rachel, and Ella were sitting around Mark's bed in Exam 2. He was sleeping, and as the effects of the seizure eased, most of his vision had returned. He was going home, as there was nothing they could do for him in the ER, and everyone knew he didn't want to be there. Now, they were just waiting for Carter. He'd offered to go pick up Elizabeth's car at home so she could more easily take Ella and Mark home.

'How are you doing?' Elizabeth asked Rachel.

'I'm OK,' Rachel said, slowly. 'I'm scared, but I didn't want Dad to see that.'

'It's OK to be scared. It's natural.

Three days later

They all knew the end was near, nearer than they'd hoped or expected. Elizabeth rarely left Mark's side, only leaving to use the restroom or take care of Ella. Even in that area, she hadn't had to do much. It seemed there was always a visitor in the house, whether their friends from County or the neighbourhood. Someone was around doing laundry, preparing a meal, taking care of things that needed to be done.

Rachel was a bit the opposite of Elizabeth. She'd said her goodbyes and earlier that morning she'd asked to spend the day with a friend. 'I can't bear to watch him die. I don't want to remember him like this.'

Elizabeth shook her head in understanding. 'You do what you need, but take my cell phone. That way I can call you.'

'OK' Rachel said. 'If my mom calls, can you ask her to call me?'

'Sure,' Elizabeth said. 'You know you can call her at anytime.'

'I'll let her call,' Rachel said, as she walked out of the room, kissing Ella as she passed the playpen.

Around 12:30, Elizabeth woke up. She'd fallen asleep in bed with Mark, having been up with him most of the previous night. He hadn't been able to sleep, and she didn't want him to lie awake alone. They lay in bed, side by side, just talking. When they did this, she almost was able to forget that he was dying. They just talked. About the past, the present, and the future.

Although heartbroken that he was going to die, Elizabeth felt lucky to have had the chance to tie up their loose ends. So many people lost their spouses suddenly, without having the chance to say goodbye. They had been lucky. She had taken time off from work and had been home since Mark's return from Seattle. She'd watched his health decline in the past few days, but still treasured their time together.

Earlier this morning, after they had put Ella down for her nap, Mark asked, 'Lay with me?'

'Of course.'

Despite his poor condition, he'd still managed to put his arm around her as they lay in bed and Elizabeth had lay her head on his chest. She hadn't meant to fall asleep, but she was so tired, she had no choice in the matter.

After continuing to lay there for a few minutes after waking, Elizabeth came to the realisation that Mark's chest wasn't rising and falling. Already knowing what she'd find, she reached for his wrist. Leaning in to him, she kissed him and whispered, 'I love you.'

As she stood to go call Rachel, she realised that Ella was not in her playpen. Wondering who had come over, and surprised that they'd come in the den without waking her, she walked to the kitchen. Ella was in her high chair eating cereal, and Peter was standing nearby.

Peter's leaving County had left him with more free time than most of their other friends, and he'd spent quite a bit of time at the house, helping when he could. Elizabeth wasn't really surprised. Out of the staff at County, Mark had known Peter the longest and although they didn't always see eye to eye, they had been friends.

Reaching for Ella, Elizabeth whispered to Peter, 'He's gone.'

-11 July 2003

(but I forgot to post it until the 27th) 


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